Intending something for yourself vs. keeping it up

For many, the beginning of a new week, a new month or a new year marks the moment of a fresh start. The famous good intentions. But, how often have you actually kept these good intentions? How many times have you started something on the first day of the month and actually kept it to this day? Good resolutions are often made so big that they do not quickly become part of your daily habits.

One of the biggest challenges we face in everyday life is behavior change. When you have set good intentions for yourself or decided that you want to change something in your life, keeping that feeling is a big challenge. This is because all the distractions and temptations make it difficult to maintain your focus.

So keeping something up and making sure it is part of your new habits is a lot harder than setting a goal for yourself. The secret is in creating unconscious habits.

It has been confirmed by science multiple times: habits help you achieve your goals with less energy and more focus. Habits are rituals and actions that you do every day. Which you have done many times by now, making them unconscious. The biggest misconception of creating new habits is that it means you have to change your whole life. That you have to change who you are. This, of course, is not true. Instead, the most powerful habits are small, simple changes that step-by-step have a positive impact on your life. That enrich rather than change you and your life.

Strong habits mold themselves to you and what fits within your life. This not only makes it easier to stick with, but also makes creating new habits fun. A new habit doesn't necessarily mean you have to leave something or say "no" more. On the contrary, it can mean going for something and saying "yes" more. Gladly even, because this too will contribute to the ''fun factor' of the new habit.

How do you create these unconscious habits?

To learn new habits, you have to fight your subconscious. In fact, the vast majority of habits are so difficult to break because we have been unconsciously maintaining them for years. A trigger causes us to unconsciously display current behavior. Within a split second. And we are often rewarded for doing so.

Take your cell phone. For many people, the day begins with the alarm clock on their cell phone going off. That's the trigger to get up. Now, getting up an sich is often not the biggest reward, but since you have your phone in your hand now anyway, you can still "reward" yourself with a quick scroll through your posts and socials. So: trigger, unconscious action and reward. The trigger, the alarm clock going off is rewarded with dopamine. Just see about breaking that.

Many people try to change their behavior purely by eliminating it. Quitting smoking or drinking by simply not doing it anymore. Those who have ever stopped so cold turkey can attest that this is an unbearable task. This is because the moment you feel the craving coming on, you start suppressing it. Which gives you more energy to it. It then becomes even more difficult to keep your mind off it.

Behavior change, therefore, happens only with positive experience and repetition. And repetition. And repetition. Until it becomes so common that it is a habit. Think about where you want to go, make the right choices to get there, and provide the willpower to stick with it. You can only do that if you are fit. Hence our belief that vitality and personal development always go hand in hand.

So how do you then go about teaching yourself these new habits? How do you make sure that something does stick?

Recognizing and breaking patterns

This can be done by becoming aware of the five stages of the particular pattern that underlies the habit. And then breaking that pattern.

1. First, there is always a trigger. It can be internal or external. For example: I am hungry or I see people eating.
2. Die trigger causes a need. I feel like eating something. By the way, this does not have to be an actual need at all. We eat continuously for reasons other than actual hunger. Think of cravings for sweets, boredom, stress and literally; seeing food makes one eat.
3. The next step is our response. The choice to do something about the need. I'm going to take a look at what I have on hand.
4. That reaction will be rewarded. The actual eating. We experience a sense of satisfaction. Gosh, I was indeed really looking forward to this.
5. That reward provides a emotion up. If you didn't eat too much and it tasted good, you are probably positive. If you did eat too much and you feel bloated afterwards, you may be balking. Unfortunately, you always forget about it quickly.

So if you want to change something, the key is to scrutinize all these steps. Only then can you truly effect a change. This is not about simply eliminating one or more of these steps, but about actually modifying them.

Take the example you just read. The steps to break this pattern might be as follows:

1. Eliminate the trigger. Can you adjust your external environment so that you are less likely to be confronted with people around you eating? Go outside just before lunch begins, for example.
2. Filling the need differently. Don't suppress your need, but simply realize that it is there. A useful option is to challenge yourself to continue what you are doing for another five minutes. That's short enough to experience as attainable and long enough for most spontaneous cravings to pass. Or in this particular example, drink a large glass of water before giving in to the need to eat.
3. Change the action of your response. Make sure your cupboards are not bulging with tasty bites, but instead have healthy snacks in the house. Breaking with your old habit? Then also break with your old stash. Also make it as easy as possible to choose your replacement habit. A cracker with hummus may not be as tasty as a creamy sandwich with melted cheese, but it's quicker to prepare and filling enough to move the sandwich to the backseat of your brain. After your cracker, go do something else to distract your brain. How you manage it doesn't matter, as long as you break from your old habit over and over again.
4. Reward yourself! Try to enjoy your new experience as much as possible. In our programs we also always emphatically say: You don't have to do anything, you want it yourself.
5. Experience the positive emotion afterwards. Be proud of yourself. Take a moment to enjoy yourself.

And as mentioned, keep repeating, repeating and repeating this. Until it is automatic and you do it without thinking about it. Then make sure you still do it consciously from time to time. That lowers the chances of relapsing into the old habit.

That way you can succeed in actually keeping your good intentions this time!